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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|